Having Kids Has Been Hard on Our Marriage, Yet We’re Still Working at It


I will get a bit vulnerable here with you today. My marriage has been the one thing that I have tried very hard to keep private. If you see my Instagram you will notice that there are very few photos of my husband there, and I rarely talk about him on my social media.

marriage is hard Juli williams Having Kids Has Been Hard on Our Marriage, Yet We’re Still Working at It MIami Moms Blog

The only reason I have done this is that our marriage is the most precious thing I have. Marrying my best friend has been one of the greatest decisions I’ve made in my life. But I want to open up and be vulnerable with you because I hope that it helps someone out there to know that even with a beautiful marriage, having kids can be hard on a relationship.

There are times when we are both running on little sleep and as much as we love and respect each other, conversations can easily turn into arguments because we are both just absolutely tired.

There are also times when we are trying to have very important conversations and there are interruptions left and right, from the baby who is crying and the toddler who needs help getting her shoes on. And when it comes to night time we are both so exhausted from work, kids, and life in general that those conversations never end up happening.

We are constantly interrupted during our “alone” time because the baby wakes up–who then wakes our toddler up–and then it’s back to becoming parents instead of lovers.

It is hard. Being a parent is hard. Keeping that spark alive is so hard.

And yet, through this tough time I am reminded of how important it is to keep our marriage alive.

Because I could never imagine how I could do this without him in my life. It is only then that I see him helping, and staying up with the kids through colds, sleep regressions, wet diapers and everything else, so I can get an extra hour of sleep. When I see him working and coming home to help me with the dishes at the end of the day. And little insignificant details that make me fall in love with him all over again, in such a different way.

And that is why we talk, about ourselves, about our dreams, about our future, about our sex life, yes, even that. Because we know it’s hard. Because we know things have changed, our bodies have changed and our perspectives have changed.

And in a world where it seems that people are giving up on their marriages, we pray we can stay strong and continue on.

Having these conversations is uncomfortable, it is vulnerable, but they are so valuable. It is the only way we are able to change and grow together, instead of apart.

I always wondered why people wouldn’t make it. Why marriages would fall apart, and now I get it. Love is only a small part. The rest is constant, consistent work and conversations. But also learning to laugh through it all. Learning to love and appreciate instead of tear down and criticize.

I have learned something through this time, and it is to keep the conversation alive. To keep on communicating our feelings. This isn’t always easy and sometimes we will need help. Help from people who have done this, help from people who will listen and understand, and help you navigate this difficult journey of marriage through parenthood.

I needed to write this to let you know you’re not alone. To know that there are other moms struggling, who love their husbands, and long to have beautiful and lasting relationships. It is so easy to give all our love to our children, but our spouses need and deserve our love just as much, if not more.

You can do this mama, and know that you’re not alone on this journey.