Marriage is hard, definitely. I don’t think many will argue that. Adding kids into the mix–boy is that a whole new level of difficulty. Sometimes as parents we focus so much on the kids’ needs, that we forget the relationship we’re in.
A strong marriage/relationship is key and yes, it’s easier said than done. When you start off–whether you’re married or dating–it’s just the two of you. And then you expand and have kids. In my case, we have 3 amazing kids. We started off young; at 19 I had my first, so we really didn’t waste time. We started this journey of having a family. I know firsthand that as moms we worry about everything and anything to do with our kids. As parents, we tend to focus more on them than on each other. I’m here to tell you there is time for both the kids and your relationship. The relationship is a two-way street so don’t think it’s just on you, Mommas.
You had a wonderfully romantic relationship but then you add kids, and it’s all a little more stressful and not as romantic anymore. Some of the things that happen are you find less time for reconnecting with your spouse. For instance, moms are known to be the main caretakers for kiddos especially when they’re little. Some moms work full-time still while juggling kids. So, by the end of the day, we’re tired, and by the weekend it’s family day. When do you spend time with your spouse, just the two of you? Half the time practically never. You probably say that will not happen till they graduate. I’m here to tell you it is possible.
Reconnecting With Your Spouse
I have found that it makes a difference to go out together alone–no kids–once a month. Just the two of you. I know, crazy right? You’re probably thinking, hello my baby is just a couple of months old, or I have a toddler. Well, a couple hours away together won’t hurt them or you. In fact, it’ll help you. Reconnecting with your spouse is mentally good. Go shopping, have lunch, go to the movies, or just have dinner. Communication is so important between the two of you. Hey, some months throw in going out in a group, too.
Spending time together is so important. Just remember the kids will grow up and get older and eventually have their own lives. And in the end, you become empty nesters and are left in a house with just each other. You want to be able to know that you both have put in the effort to have your relationship thrive through it all. Because let’s face it, you won’t always agree on each other’s parenting skills. But one thing you will be able to count on is you always made time for each other and that your relationship is stronger than ever. I’m not saying it’ll always be easy and perfect, but you will always be a parent no matter what. Your happiness is also important.
My husband and I have been together for 25 years and still counting.
Don’t get me wrong–we’re not a perfect marriage, no one has that. We have been through so many obstacles in our lives that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. But at the end of the day, we always made time for our relationship. Our kids are older now and I’m on a whole new journey of motherhood.