I Miss My Baby: Struggling to Raise Growing Kids

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My oldest baby just turned 9 and I am struggling. I struggle when he hugs me and his head is past my shoulders. I struggle when I pick his clothes and he quickly exchanges it for something else. I struggle when I can no longer find a baby face no matter how hard I look. 

Image: Kids sitting on the beach

Raising Babies

When we have newborns, we have no idea what we are doing. When did someone decide it was a good idea to let me have a real-life baby and send me home with him? But, something happens. Nature takes over, motherly instincts kick in, and you become a mom. You are fully aware that it is your job to keep this tiny human alive and, one way or another, you figure it out. Slowly, things change. They learn to crawl, then walk, then talk. At some point, you may even feel confident in this whole mom thing.

You may even decide “I am killing this. Let me make another human.” Then, you have two babies running around but you figure out how to raise babies and toddlers. You feel like you have conquered climbing a mountain, and were actually pretty good at it. You’ve got this “mom thing” down pat… until you don’t. All of a sudden these cute kids turn into 8, 9, 10, 11-year-olds and you have no idea what you are doing. Just when you think you have figured out how to raise babies, they aren’t babies anymore. 

Raising Kids in a New Age

I never thought I would feel old but–at the young age of 34–I feel old. Phones, games, social media, and an entirely new language make me feel like I need a walker and some Bengay. It was very different when my mom raised me. There were no tablets or cell phones to hide things on. I remember getting a cell phone in 7th grade because I had to walk from the bus stop after school. Nothing was private and you could not really use it until after 9 pm so you could have unlimited minutes.

It was a different time and, as parents to this new generation, we need to do our best to keep open lines of communication and try and understand everything that comes along with being a kid nowadays. The pressure is so different. The way they play and interact is different. We can’t try to raise growing kids the way we were raised because the world is very different than what it was. 

Raising a Boy as a Mom

I have a boy and a girl and I feel, as puberty approaches, I will be able to navigate my daughter’s growing pains much better. I will be able to understand what she is going through, what changes are happening, and be able to explain how to handle what is coming. With my son, I sometimes feel lost. I do not know what his mind is thinking, how his body is changing, or what I should say. It is a tough balance because I see him as my baby but he, very obviously, is growing up. He will always be Mama’s boy and I struggle when I feel like Mama questions how to raise a boy. 

Growing Together

If there is anything I have learned on this motherhood journey, it is that I am learning right along with my kids. I have no manual. Just as they are navigating growing up, I am navigating how to raise growing kids as they change. It’s a tricky game with ever-changing rules. We are never going to get it “right” Mamas BUT we can do our best. When your once smiley baby turns into an attitude-y pre-teen, try to have some grace. Some grace for the both of you.

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