Find Your {Woman} Tribe

The new year.

I sat in her living room, with the most beautiful Miami sunset as our muse, so close we could almost touch it.  She, along with 9 other women, sat with me in silence.  The tears flowing from my face had left me unable to speak.  All I could do was cover my eyes and cry.  And all they could do was hug me, hold me, cry with me, bring me tissues. I looked up and I see her face, she is crying with me.  She is crying for me.  Because the pain I am in has transferred into the hearts of not just her, but all the women around this living room.  

They had been praying for me, for my marriage, for miracles.  They had been walking with me on this journey for over 12 months. The only words I could muster were that I didn’t think I could get through this.  That the pain was too deep.  And the only words they could muster were glorious, giant prayers, big requests of God that had carried me that far and they believed, when I couldn’t, they would carry me into the future.  They prayed when I couldn’t, believed when I couldn’t, hoped when I couldn’t.

6 months later.

We meet again.  The same group of women and the same, magnificent Miami sunset, in the same living room.  Food filled our plates as we anxiously awaited everyone to be seated, to begin sharing around this circle of trust.  This time, she sits across from me and she cannot muster the words because those familiar, excruciatingly painful tears are getting in the way.  Tears are like that.  They serve as a form of release, but cause us to be so raw and alive that it can be debilitating.  The good news is those tears eventually stop.  And when hers slowed enough to speak, we all opened our hearts and each tried to take a piece of her pain away.  Broken hearts and wounds we didn’t know existed and anger that crept in like flies at a picnic.  Annoying and frustrating and gross.  Yeah, sounds a lot like anger to me.

They carry me in my season.  I carry them in their season.  God carries us all, in all seasons.

Today.

If you have read this far, thank you.  I want you to know I thought and prayed about what to say as my first love letter to each of you.  And oddly, motherhood or mom advice was not the first thing that came to me.  It was this:  the absolute and critical importance of deep community necessary to being a woman, being a mom.  The scenes and stories above I share with you are two of the most impactful moments I have had this year and a beautifully strong reminder for me…without those 10 women in my life this year – and last – I am not sure I would have the peace, hope and contentment after one of the hardest seasons of my entire life.  As I barely crawled to make it through each day, they lifted me up and carried me.  Every day.

Ladies, I want this for you. 

You may be reading this right now feeling so lonely.  Reading this right now angry because you have been hurt by women.  Unable to let your guard down. It’s not an accident you are reading this and if only one of you needed this today, I am grateful.  And I encourage you.  Please, search for a group of women to do life with consistently, deeply, spiritually, authentically.  In your neighborhood, your family, your church.  They are there.  She needs you.  You need her.  Find your woman tribe.

For me, this is my weekly Bible study, composed of 10 women spanning different ages from 20s to 30s to 40s. Haitian, Puerto Rican, Jamaican, Italian, Brazilian and the token white Midwesterners (ahem, I am one of them).   Single moms, divorced and remarried moms, working women, women who are dating, women who are recently engaged, women who need a break from dating.  Women who love Jesus.  This is my tribe.  And over the course of over two years, we have created a circle of trust, we have shared our deepest and darkest pain and suffering, we have prayed harder than you can even imagine, we have laughed so hard, celebrated each other well, drank too much wine (yes, we are Christians and yes, sometimes we drink wine together) and watched God literally perform miracles on a weekly basis. 

Vulnerability, authenticity, grace and love. 

This is the tribe I pray you get.  Because as women, as moms, we only get better in community.  We only get better when we share our weaknesses.  When we speak truth in love. 

There is still almost 50% of the year left.  Step into a season of community.  I promise you will not regret it.

Xo,

Ann

Romans 12:15 – Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

I dedicate this post to TBS, the ten women who I could never have all the words to say thank you.  But, thank you.  I love you for real.