They say it takes a village. No one ever talks about where you can find this village or if the village is local or has access to their cellphone all the time. There is also no clear indication of who your village actually is. It’s safe to assume that your village starts with your family. But what about your friends? Your very best friends? To me, my tribe of friends can sometimes be more of a village to me than some blood relatives. I lost 2 of my best friends to Georgia. One fresh out of high school and the other right after my son turned 2 years old. Although these moves were best for my friends and their tribe, I have to admit it took more of an emotional toll on me than I care to admit.
If you or someone you know is struggling with the reality that you are about to lose one of your friendships to another city or state–this one is for you! Here are 3 simple tips I learned along the way that I hope can help you and your long-distance friendship thrive!
1. IT’S OK TO GRIEVE YOUR PHYSICAL FRIENDSHIP
Whether you like to admit it or not, you just lost someone physically. Depending on your life and financial circumstances, you may not know how quickly you may be able to see your friend in physical form again. In my case, 1 friend left right after our high school graduation. The other friend, who I worked with and had lunch with every day, left literally hours after her wedding. Needless to say, these weren’t friends who I tried to make plans with that sometimes fell through. No, these were very present friends who I saw daily. And it’s perfectly fine to feel like you need to mourn your “loss.” Vent, cry, write–whatever it is that you need to do, do it. Time doesn’t heal–but it will help, as it does with any loss.
2. K.I.T. (Remember This In Your Yearbooks?)
Everyone in the modern world may not have a problem with the virtual part of this but KEEP IN TOUCH. Sites and applications like Facebook and Instagram are great, but it takes more than ‘liking a picture’ to make sure your friendship continues from both sides. We tend to lose each other in the “virtual world” because of the convenience but let’s not forget that physical touch and quality time are still a love language as noted in The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. (You can take the free online quiz to find out your love languages here!)
My friends and I make it a point to catch up before or after work–after we drop off or pick up the kids and often before any night time routines begin. (We’re all mommas!) We text and send GIFS all day long, but I have found that we remain as close as we are because we still BELIEVE IN MAKING PHONE CALLS to each other. There’s something about hearing each other’s voices and just really talking that still gives you a sense of closeness. That and you never know when you’ll be the one who really needs someone to pick up the phone for you.
3. TRY TO SEE EACH OTHER AS MUCH (AND FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE) AS POSSIBLE
This one can be tricky for some. My friends still have family here in Miami–so it makes it “easier” to meet at least once a year. But there have been those years that it was impossible. And again–that is OK! What has worked for us is to schedule travels around certain holidays or long weekends for important events. Just to take the most advantage of the time. For example, we planned my goddaughter, Serena’s, baptism around my birthday weekend in March 2019. That way, I was in town for the main event and was able to celebrate my birthday with Samantha, Michael, and JJ! We also find that 3rd party websites like Expedia work best with our budget. They have really great bundle deals for flights, hotels, and rental cars!
It’s also important to remember that traveling with your family can be looked at as a challenge. And traveling alone for an all-girls trip could be crucial for your sanity and well-being, Mama! Trying to find a balance of what you need and what benefits you and your family is also a huge factor you need to discuss with your village. As stated before, consider your finances, secure childcare, and never underestimate the luxury of FaceTime! That also counts as seeing each other. And it’s a fun way to include both you AND your family!
LOVE CONQUERS ALL
In the end, true love conquers all. Your real friends and real friendships are always going to make time for what they deem is a priority. I may not speak to Samantha and Gina every single day, but we never let it pass more than a few days. As I mentioned before, we’re all mommas. And with being a momma, comes responsibility. A LOT of responsibility. But we all mutually vowed to make time for one another. Because our friendship means that much.
In the great words of Disney’s Lilo and Stitch, “Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.”
Love this! Some of my very best friends all live in other states! It’s so important to make time! Also what a small world I went to school with Gina! We played softball together!
Gina seems to be popular amongst MMC! So fun!
It’s tough living far away from your friends! These are some good tips; thanks for sharing!
Tough indeed! Thank you for your ongoing support, Becky!
Thank you for sharing this Krystal! I have some friends that have moved away, and I know it’s so tough to stay close. It’s painful to think I haven’t seen one of my best friends in over 3 years due to scheduling, work, and having a baby! Hopefully some of your tips will help bring us closer together!
I hope this helps mend your friendship! Thankfully I was able to squeeze in a trip to Georgia RIGHT BEFORE quarantine- but already looking forward to the day I can board a plane and go back!
I love this … i didn’t mourn the ohysical distance I would have from my friends when we moved from colombia… and when we got here that was brutal!!! I have friends I miss all the time that are all over the world… and i can say having a virtual connection or telephone connection is soooo helpful… and I appreciate it so much… i still consider my friends (old and new) that I connect with virtually (cafecitos included) a huge part of my village :):) the village can be virtual :):) thanks Krystal!
First of all: how cool does it feel to know you’re village is literally WORLD-WIDE! Ok, Pitbull! (DALEEEE! LOL) And it’s so true: the village CAN be virtual. That has been proven to be SO true since COVID. Thank you for being apart of my village!
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