My first baby was a boy. I never really had a preference, but I remember going to the ultrasound and hearing “IT’S A BOY!” I was ecstatic. Everyone says boys belong to their mommies and my heart couldn’t be happier. I was instantly in love.
“IT’S A GIRL!”
In my family, dating back to my great-grandma, you were either a boy mom or a girl mom. No one got both. I had settled into the fact that I would forever be a mom of boys and didn’t even flinch when I got pregnant again. Here I was, two and a half years later, and I hear “IT’S A GIRL!” “What? A girl? Are you sure?” I was just starting to settle into this motherhood thing and now I had to learn how to be a girl mom.
As time passed and my baby grew, so did her personality. I noticed very early on that she was watching my every move. One day, when she was about one and a half, I caught her looking in the mirror and pretending to straighten her hair with my hair iron. I laughed at first but then a wave of fear hit me.
She was watching me.
She was listening as I told my sister I looked fat in this picture, and she was sitting there as I changed my clothes 10 times while complaining about my body. She was watching me not love myself the way I wanted her to love herself. She was perfect. She was beautiful, smart, and full of life. If I wanted her to grow up believing those things, I needed to show her they were true. At that moment, I knew I needed to do better. I needed to do better for her.
She is 4 now and teaches me so much. She is girly and loves to paint her nails while at the same time making goals on a soccer team full of boys. She is gentle yet bossy and knows how to get what she wants. I never thought that giving birth to a girl would change my whole perception of who I was.
Because of her, I love my body. I made a promise to be strong to show her strength. I look at my body with love so that no one can ever tell her otherwise about hers. I will continue to pursue big dreams so that no dream ever seems too big in her eyes.
My little girl, because of you I learned to love me. To all the moms out there that are struggling to love and accept themselves, remember you have little eyes looking up to you.