By Rosa de Morais
Each year, November is recognized as National Adoption Awareness Month, with a special focus on the adoption of children currently in foster care. Throughout the month we come across content promoting adoption. In several places we hear that adoption is a miracle, something admirable for gifted families. We also hear that God blesses families that adopt children, and many other things.
However, being a mom of two by adoption and being a foster mom in the process of adopting our third child, I hit the pause button to think about where exactly the miracle takes place in such a painful and confusing process.
Our international adoption process was the reason we lived in between two countries for 6 years until we finally got authorized to bring our children to the United States. Six years of so much joy and pain at the same time. Our third child is coming to us in the midst of the uncertainty and surprises of the American foster care system. But ultimately, where does the miracle take place? Is there actually a miracle?
I compare the adoption process with a high-risk pregnancy that goes beyond the nine-month wait. You don’t know how the story is going to turn out. There is no guarantee that the child will be a part of our family, carry our last name and own our values. But as with a high-risk pregnancy, we choose to keep going. We choose to suffer to give life to a child. Incredibly, there is a moment in our lives in which we choose to face our fears to become moms. There is a point in time in which we make a decision, the penny drops and we realize that we are responsible for our child’s well-being. It’s in that moment when we become moms and protectors. That is the moment in which the miracle takes place.
To me, it seems simple to explain the size of such love from a biological/anatomical perspective. But biology and anatomy don’t necessarily translate into unconditional love. Tons of people are biologically related and they choose not to love each another. They choose not to fight for one another. The decision of loving someone is magnificent, and only after we make such a decision, do we receive the grace to execute it. It’s like when God created us: we were born out of God’s desire to love us. He chose to love us the day He decided to create us.
There was a time in my life during which I visited several specialists trying to get pregnant. Trying to find an explanation, one of the doctors told me: “the more I study, the less I understand what makes an embryo attach and grow inside of a woman’s uterus.” That phrase made me think that truly the decision of who is going to be born is totally divine, and not ours. Yet, the decision to love is completely ours. First comes our decision, and then the feeling is born as well as the strength to execute it.
You will be a fulfilled mom the day you decide to love unconditionally and fight for the well-being of the child that God gives you. It doesn’t matter if you are his/her biological or adoptive mom.
It doesn’t matter when that decision takes place: the day you find out you are pregnant, the day the baby is born, the day you hold your baby in your hands for the first time, or today. You can count on the same divine intervention to get the strength you need and own motherhood as a path with no “u turn.” It’s that divine intervention that is going to give you the strength to seek solutions for each challenge, and provide the protection your child needs.
Neither adoption nor biological ties are a miracle. The decision to love is the miracle that generates another miracle: the gift of motherhood.
Rosa de Morais and her husband are parents through adoption, as well as foster parents. Passionate about family and relationships, they founded 3 UNI for Orphans, as their greatest joy in life is to see children being united with loving families. Rosa and her husband lived between Brazil and the US for six years during their children’s adoption processes. During that time, they founded an Orphan Care ministry at Cidade Viva Church in Brazil, a ministry that is still active today. They are also small business owners and devoted Christians. You can follow Rosa’s mission and orphan care ministry on Instagram and Facebook.