There is not a single stage of parenting that comes with a handbook on how to do it. But, after co-parenting my step-daughters during their teen years and now parenting my teen son (16 years old), I have learned a thing or two about teens. While I don’t have all the answers and I can’t confirm it has all been done right, I can share some helpful tips with you.
TIP #1 Communication
Ask the questions. Ask how their day in school went or how their friends are doing. Ask about their favorite sports team. Even if there’s any inner thought of insecurity of getting shut down by your teen child, ask. You may have to try harder than just 2-3 questions. Oh, and when your teen child wants to randomly share something about what they saw on social media or something they heard in school… DROP EVERYTHING! That’s their way of communicating and may not happen often.
As a form of communication with my teen child, I also love asking questions like, “What annoys you about me as your parent?” Asking similar questions opens a line of comfort for your teen child to explain their feelings about you without taking it personally. They will see how you are willing to listen, grow, and work on your and your teen child’s relationship.
TIP #2 Spend quality time together
Plan and set up a date with your teen child. Enjoy some lunch at their favorite restaurant or go have some ice cream together. Allow them to choose. Or maybe plan a day doing their favorite outdoor activity–go bike riding, play some flag football (like in my case), or maybe even a little workout. This will create a bonding moment where all the stressful topics are left on pause to simply enjoy each other’s company.
TIP #3 Put yourself in your teen child’s shoes during disagreements
So much has changed since my teen years. Everyone’s household has their own story. While growing up, my household was very strict and without much flexibility in understanding individual needs. In personal development, I have worked on understanding how to really put myself in my teen child’s shoes. Meeting him halfway on his individual needs and his opinions as he starts getting a glimpse of adulthood. Discussing disagreements opens up communication also. Actively listen and provide emotional support openly. The challenge is doing this while maintaining set boundaries as a parent.
TIP #4 Regularly offer your teen child encouragement and celebrate the small wins
Try to not focus on what your teen child has made mistakes on. Bring it up one time, offer suggestions to correct it, and move on from it. While they were tiny-cute human beings, it was very easy to celebrate everything such as their funny words or their scribbly kindergarten artwork. But as our children grow and age, we forget to encourage them with their actions and accomplishments. As easy as saying, “Thank you for picking up your clothes from the floor,” or maybe saying, “I appreciate you for coming to run the errand with me.” They need this just as much as the younger ones do to create confidence and help them feel seen.
TIP #5 Join a parenting support group like Miami Mom Collective
You don’t have to do it alone. If you join a parent group and go to their events to connect with other parents in the same parenting stage as you are, I promise that you will feel relieved to see that you are not alone. Lose the “mom guilt” and go with an open mind. You find so much comfort in a community that shares the same challenges. Plus, it’s fun and as a bonus, you will make a new friend!
