“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice.” T.S. Eliot
Ah, January. ‘Tis the season for fresh starts, setting goals, and making resolutions. A resolution is defined as a firm decision to do or not do something.
So let’s be honest: how many of us resolve to make changes every first of January, and decide to do or not do something?
Now, don’t get me wrong. As a runner, group fitness instructor, and fitness enthusiast, I believe wholeheartedly in the discipline of setting goals. I’ve experienced the power of living with intention in so many areas of my life, beyond just setting health and fitness goals. Setting goals is not the problem.
Out with the old, in with the new.
Inevitably, every January turns towards overhauling all. the. things. We promise ourselves that this year will be different, so everything has to change. Why? Because we’ve done it all wrong. Time to punish ourselves for the many ways we blew it last year. Our punishment for being imperfect? An overwhelming and unattainable list of New Year’s resolutions.
So how many of us kept last year’s resolutions?
How about if we change the focus to what went well last year, not just fixating on all that went wrong? What if we start 2020 from a position of strength by focusing on what we did right in 2019? I wonder what would happen if we chose to look back in gratitude to help us look forward to a new year with confidence.
I mean, maybe 2019 wasn’t your best year. Maybe 2020 won’t be either. Should that even be the goal of our New Year’s resolutions goal setting?
Here’s some great news:
We don’t have to…
weigh less in order to be more.
have it all together in order to be more.
earn more money in order to be more.
have more followers or a larger platform in order to be more.
We are so much more than…
our fears, mistakes, shortcomings, or our past.
We are stories of redemption.
When someone does something wrong, don’t forget about all the things they did right. That shouldn’t just be for our evaluations of others. Remember all you’ve done right. Nothing’s a waste of time if you learned something. Nothing.
Moms, let’s resolve to focus on gratitude for what went well and building upon that.
Keep moving forward.
In her book The Next Right Thing: A Simple, Soulful Practice for Making Life Decisions, Emily P. Freeman shares a brief but powerful reminder that “no one has ever been shamed into freedom.” Focusing on doing the next right thing instead of obsessing on the shame we carry because we’ve got to change all these things we’re doing wrong helps us to acknowledge that we’re capable of making wise decisions, which actually leads us to make better choices.
Once we’ve allowed ourselves to simmer in gratitude, we’re ready to move forward in setting some goals for the new year.
Over the years, I’ve used different approaches for jotting down my New Year’s resolutions. I’ve gone with the more traditional method of jotting down goals for the year in different areas of my life. Sometimes, that long list of resolutions gets lost in the shuffle, and so I’ve also used the word for the year approach, which helps me focus on a character trait I’d like to grow in.
Whichever approach you use, my friends at The Enneagram Workshop have some helpful suggestions of what not to do:
- DON’T assume the New Year holds some kind of magic. If you want to USE this time as a catalyst to change – GREAT! But YOU have to change, which takes work.
- DON’T set goals that are too ambitious for just ONE YEAR. Growth happens much more gradually than we have the patience for.
- DON’T try to change ACTIONS before changing MINDSET. It’s only a matter of time before mindset wins and we are back to old patterns if we don’t take the time to address our mindset first.
Mom, you’re a world-changer.
So if this new year finds you with a few world-changing goals, instead of complaining about all the ways we are lacking, let’s start by giving thanks for all the blessings we currently have. Instead of criticizing that reflection staring back at us in the mirror, compliment her. Offer your smile to everyone you meet each day, whether they return it or not. If you do those seemingly small things each day, they’ll become a habit before you know it. Live each day with gratitude. Soon enough, that world around you will begin to change.
