Baby Girl, I want to start off by saying I am sorry and thank you so much. Whether you realized it or not, I was just a baby myself when I had you. I have loved you since the moment I learned about you, but I never thought I would be such a young mom.
I was in my 2nd semester of college and was not thinking about kids at all. Not only that, but I didn’t even realize what was going on at first. When I finally took a pregnancy test, I freaked out and called my doctor to get a blood test because I thought it had to be a false positive. Like I said, I was young and thought that could be a thing. The doctor quickly told me, “That is not how that works”.
I am not going to lie, I was freaking out.
I was going to school full-time, had a part-time job, and had just spent $650 on a puppy. The only thing that had me calm was that your father was my high school sweetheart, so I figured this must’ve been meant to be. To be fair, your dad was only 20 and working at McDonald’s. But I thought, “Now we would have the perfect family.” Can you tell I was a whole 18 years old?
After us freaking out and finally telling our families, things were a little tense at first. Everyone wanted us to get married before you were born. We figured, “Sure, why not? This would be fun.” FYI, that is not the mindset you should have before going into a marriage. No surprise, we did not last very long once you were born. That was a major reality check for me.
Never did I picture myself being a 20-year-old single mom.
I am not going to pretend it was all rainbows and sunshine. It was extremely difficult at times. I had to figure out how to be a mom before I even knew who I was. I had an amazing example of what a mother was, thanks to my grandma. But unfortunately, she passed away when you were only 1½ years old. I had to figure out what I was going to do for me and you, with no time to spare and with a very limited support system.
I realize that we, unintentionally, grew up together. Sometimes it would feel like I was more of your big sister than your mom.
Let me tell you, though, you taught me so much. You taught me what real unconditional love feels like. You taught me to not care as much and ignore the things people I barely even knew told me. Thanks to having you I learned that family is not decided by blood or DNA but instead by people’s actions. The biggest thing you taught me was that no matter how hard I tried or how much I pray, I can never be the perfect mom. You made me a better person without even knowing it.
I also want to say sorry. I know I made some mistakes along the way, but I always tried to do anything in my power to make up for it. Whether it be giving you too much love or buying you whatever I could to make up for the people that were no longer in your life. I even sent you to counseling to learn how to process difficult situations correctly because I never learned. Honestly, I always made sure to get you any expert help you need to teach you the things I didn’t know how.
I know that I always tell you to not have kids too early. But that is just because I want you to enjoy your young adulthood with no extra responsibilities and with extra money. I want you to travel and be able to participate in study abroad.
But I want to ensure you know one very important thing. I would not change a thing. Not when I had you or with whom. I would not change absolutely anything because if I did, I would not have you. Being able to be your mom makes all the struggles and bumps in the road 100% worth it.
I love you, Princess.
Your Young Mom