Taking Care of Your Marriage While Balancing Motherhood


Taking Care of Your Marriage While Balancing Motherhood

Here’s the cold truth people don’t mention: becoming a parent can take a toll on your marriage.  However, it is important to understand that before the kids arrived, it was you and your spouse. A happy marriage is a happy home and a happy home means happy children.  I am a firm believer that a healthy marriage positively affects our children’s mental wellbeing as well as their self-esteem. Parents are their children’s prime influencers and having a loving, solid marriage is the best thing we can do for our kids.

The question is, how do you take care of your marriage when you have a new baby, toddler running around all day, or kids calling out for mom and dad at every moment?

  • Plan a romantic weekend getaway.  

Whether it’s a vacation or a staycation, plan a day or weekend where it’s just you and your love. If you are blessed to live close to your parents or in-laws, or if there are family/friends you trust your kids with, go ahead and do it. I found that many couples feel guilty about taking a trip without the kids, and therefore wind up staying or taking the kids. If you are able to leave your kids with a person of trust for a day or two or three, do it! You will not regret it and your marriage will benefit from it. You will feel like you’re on your honeymoon!

  • Text/Call each other throughout the day. 

Although we are both busy, my husband and I still text each other throughout the day to see how our day is going. It reminds me of when we used to date. I love seeing a new text from him throughout the day, and yes, it still gives me butterflies! Something as small as a text means so much.

  • Set bed times for your children.

Take advantage of nap-time and bedtime to be together. As much as we enjoy time with our babies, we also take advantage of their bed time to spend time together as husband and wife.

  • Intimacy.

To be intimate with your spouse is not just about having sexual relations, but having that time of togetherness and affection where both can come together and be open with one another. We should be an open book with our spouse and hide nothing. That is why this time of intimacy is important.

  • Put your phone down. (including laptop, electronics, etc.)

Nowadays, it is so easy to get distracted with technology. However, it is important to give your spouse your undivided attention. If you cannot resist the urge to check your phone, then put it on silent or simply turn it off after certain hours and truly be 100% present when your spouse is around.

  • Daily quality time.

Whether it’s the morning cup of joe or spending moments alone just the two before the kids wake up, seek to have moments of quality time with your spouse on a daily basis.

  • Always use words of love.

Verbally say, “I love you!” There is no such thing as saying it too much. These 3 words reaffirm your feelings for one another day after day. Express kind words of admiration. If he looks great in his work attire, tell him he looks handsome. If he did a great job doing a house chore, tell him. If he works hard to provide for the family, tell him how much you appreciate him. Words are so powerful and when we express words of love to our spouse, they strengthen our marriage.

  • Communication.

Express your feelings with respect. Never speak when you are angry.  When we are angry we can utter words that hurt our spouse and this later leads to regret. Most of the time, arguments could easily be avoided if we effectively communicate without offending the other.

  • Focus on pleasing each other.

My husband loves when I have make his cup of coffee in the morning and pack his breakfast before he leaves the house. It means the world to him when I kiss him goodbye at the door every morning before he leaves to work. I also try to make him feel special when he comes home from work by welcoming him at the door with lots of hugs and kisses from the kids and me. Another way I seek to please him is by serving him whenever he’s hungry, etc. His love language is obviously Acts of Services (and Quality Time). Ask yourself, what pleases my spouse? What kind gestures can I demonstrate to express love and make him feel special? Whatever it may be, do it! This will make his day!

Everything mentioned above does not cost a dime! (Beside the romantic getaway). They are all tiny things we can implement in our marriage and everyday lives that will produce a huge positive impact and results. Be determined to build a strong marriage worthy of your children’s admiration. Let’s beat the 50 percent divorce rate in America.

Taking Care of Your Marriage While Balancing Motherhood
Jan Freire Photography