Flourishing In Motherhood: What Moms Need To Mother Well

Moms often have fond memories of their first baby shower.  Mine was sweet.  I’d moved to Miami only two years before and only had a handful of friends; so when some dear women wanted to come and celebrate with me, it really blessed my soul.  That was probably the hardest part of my first pregnancy… not being able to share this major life milestone with my closest friends and family, most of whom lived in Virginia and Pennsylvania.  That afternoon we played games and ate some of those awesome little sandwiches you only ever eat at parties.  But what I treasure most from that day wasn’t in the tangible gifts.

As we sat together, several women shared personal stories of their early motherhood experiences.  Authentic, vulnerable experiences and emotions stemming from suddenly not knowing what do to with this new little person they were just getting to know.  Being so far from home without their own moms, sisters, and grandmothers.  Learning how to love and support their husbands through this major change in their marriage.  And identifying what it was they truly needed… apart from a solid night’s sleep.

Moms Need Mentors

Generally speaking, no one can truly prepare you for the incredible experience that is becoming a mother.  Yes, there are the practical skills you can have under your belt, like changing a diaper, preparing a bottle, or bathing an infant; but when it’s your baby, there are so many other things that factor into the mix, and it’s hard to know what to expect.  Some moms bond quickly and easily with their newborns, and may feel a bit more confident in trusting their instincts.  Others of us may face a variety of unexpected feelings and challenges that may make this transition more difficult.  But we all need wise and caring women.  We need women who will authentically share their struggles and successes with us so that we know that we don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect mom to our little ones.

Moms Need Community

We might find our community in a local church/shared faith tradition, the workplace or classroom, common interests/hobbies, or a moms’ group; but we need to belong.  We need to interact with people outside of the four walls of our homes, and we need to feel like whole people with contributions to make and people to serve in our spheres of influence. 

Moms Need Romance

Mothering can be amazing, but also be incredibly mundane.  Every day there are meals to be made, laundry to do, and errands to run.  It’s really easy to just go through the days checking tasks off of our to-do lists, which is why we need a little sparkle, adventure, and mystery.  If you’re able to have a recurring date night with your spouse, it’ll help to keep your relationship healthy and fun.  And you don’t always have to go out!  We recently tried Datebox, and enjoyed connecting with each other at home after our kids were in bed.  Read/listen to a new book, try a new recipe; whatever brings a little magic into your ordinary.  After all, experiencing romance isn’t just about being romantic with someone.

Moms Need Grace

Always we begin again.  –St. Benedict

Moms can be so hard on themselves.  And the world can be hard on us, too.  We have an enormous responsibility, and we have to figure much of it out on the fly.  We will make many mistakes; but we can always begin again.  Be gracious to yourself, and accept the grace that is always available to you.