Positive Parenting Can Turn Their Frowns Upside Down!


As moms, the saying that “this is harder for me than it is for you” is true.  Guiding and teaching our children to make wise choices seems like a never-ending task.  It feels like we repeat ourselves a million times a day.  And believe it or not, we do!  Experts say a toddler can hear the word “no” almost 400 times a day.  Now I’m not an expert, but I am a mom of two responsible, thriving adult children.  As a parent, I wanted to bless my children.  My husband and I wanted to say yes, more than no.  We just had to teach our children how to position themselves to be blessed.  Positive parenting can turn their frowns upside down.  

Holly's daughter demonstrating positive parenting as she talks with her son about his choices
Pep talk with mom about choices.

My #1 positive parenting tip: Give your child the choice

My children were both considered to be strong-willed children.  From the time my 2-year-old told me he was “the boss of me,” I knew I better have a plan.  It became exhausting to be in constant battle with a toddler.  I recall researching positive parenting principles and I learned that I did not need to be part of the consequence.  We needed to establish a family plan and clear expectations.  Our plan would include putting the responsibility of choices in their hands.  My husband and I just needed to uphold the result of what they chose.  How freeing this was for me as a parent, I was not the consequence.  It was their choice.  From two years old to the teenage years, our children were able to understand this concept.

A quote from Dr. Phil that reads, "When you choose your behavior, you choose your consequences."
Photo courtesy PictureQuotes.com

Blessings or Consequences

If you have a toddler, you know, they want to make decisions.  They like choices: what to wear or what song to play on the radio.  Sometimes a simple task of putting on their shoes can cause a power struggle.  I would let my toddler know that they had a choice.  Completing the task I asked of them resulted in a blessing.  They could tell me no and receive a consequence.  It was their choice.  I just had to uphold the boundary. Establishing clear expectations and a family plan helps your child know ahead of time what those blessings and consequences look like.  For toddlers, an example of a blessing can be longer time to play, screen time, or a sweet treat.  And a consequence can be the loss of those items or something that they really want to do.  As they get older, the rewards become age-appropriate.

Holly's daughter with her husband and two children.
He made a great choice and turned his frown upside down!

Raising a Successful Adult

Our job as mom is not to get our children to learn all the rules and follow them perfectly.  We have to take into consideration the learning curve.  We establish the boundaries to help protect and nurture them as they mature into a responsible adult.  Teaching your child to be responsible for their behavior is key.  Our responsibility as parents is to love them unconditionally as we hold up the boundaries.  We all want our children to accomplish their dreams and goals, which can require personal discipline.  A child can learn to be responsible for their own behavior.  Owning their choices can promote them into a future of blessings and dreams come true.  Positive parenting can turn their frowns upside down!

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Holly has built her life around the value of family first. She is a native of Miami and has lived between Hialeah and Cooper City over the years. She is happily married to her husband of 36 years. They have two adult children that are both married with a child each. Pouring into the next generation is a passion she and her husband share as they both work in local public schools. Entering the season of being a Mimi has been exciting and she loves the giggles of toddler grandchildren. Holly’s faith is very important to her and she enjoys serving her community through the local ministries led by her children. Holly also loves music, reading, traveling and sweet tea. Her heart is to share with other mom’s that the role of motherhood can be hard, but she is living proof of the great rewards to come. You are welcome to follow along her journey of faith and family @hollefarv on Instagram.