Isn’t it funny how society sometimes creates our views on life? It’s as if they forgot to provide us with the guidelines for the partnership of marriage. For me, marriage was what you were supposed to do, and motherhood was all part of it. Oddly enough, I entered into the relationship a bit immature of my views. Before I knew it, I was a full-time mom of two kids. My career was left somewhere on the side table, in the other room, under the dirty laundry.
Here’s the thing, ideally marriage is a partnership of two people. Two people who want to enrich and inspire each other‘s lives. For some this works brilliantly. Yet for others we become trapped in an employer/employee relationship.
Now this post isn’t supposed to be depressing by any means. I was divorced two years ago, but the lessons I have learned because of that divorce have been invaluable. I just wish I had learned some of these lessons before the problems arose. My goal here is to give you a few tiny nuggets that will help inspire you to relish in what you have, and to modify the areas that could be even better.
1. Communication is key for any marriage.
It’s just not any communication, it’s communication dedicated to the way a man thinks. As women, we are multitaskers. We talk to our BFF about five different topics. We bounce back between discussions without missing a beat. On the other hand, most men can only focus on one thing at a time. When we start bouncing around different topics, we’ve completely lost them somewhere in between one of them. Not to mention, that half the time we are simply assuming that they understand what we mean, how we mean it, and what we’re feeling. It’s simply unrealistic to think that they do. My advice to you is to please give them the details.
Think of it this way… it’s really easy to tell a girlfriend that the tea shop is down the street, to the left in a pretty pink house. For a man, you need more description. You need to let him know that he will have to turn left on Jones Street. Then he will have to go about three blocks. There’s a car dealership on the right. Immediately after the car dealership, you’ll see the little pink house. As silly as this sounds, this could alleviate so much frustration. Giving them the same directions we would give a girlfriend would end up leading both of you to frustration. They would be late or completely lost.
And guess what girls, this happens in the house as well with basic communication. Something as simple as, “I want you to take out the trash” can be completely alleviated by simply writing out a family chore chart. This chart would includes you, your husband, and all of your kids. Everyone’s got a job, it’s written down on the refrigerator. It makes life so much easier for everyone to clearly see what the expectations are.
2. You need time for yourself. I mean by yourself or with a group of girlfriends.
Consider it like a time out. Some of the best relationships I know plan it out. This way both the husband and the wife know when their day and time is. They can plan whatever they want in that spot. There’s nothing wrong with a weekly time out, especially when you know that you’re going to reignite your engines and be a much happier person. The one important thing here is to not give the other person grief. Do not make them feel like they don’t deserve that time. All parents deserve the time!
3. Take time for each other, yup!
Remember when you were single and you both took turns deciding what you wanted to do on that special day or date? The same thing applies in your marriage. I know for myself, the few dates that we did take, somebody else decided what we were doing. Mainly because we were both too tired to make a plan. Unfortunately, the dates became more work than actual enjoyment. That’s not the way it’s supposed to be.
One of my favorite couples has a cute notebook that they use. They both have a section and whenever they have something they would like to go to, restaurants, movies, activities, or anything else that they would love, they write it down. Then they take turns making their dates for date night. They choose things from the book so they don’t have to think so hard, yet they know they want to do it. I think many times we’re just so tired, that we can’t even think of what we want to do or where we wanted to go. This makes it easier to make a plan with just the right place to go!
4. Take turns inspiring each other.
No matter if you’re a full-time mom or a part-time momprenuer or executive. We all need to feel inspired and motivated. That is the SuperPower fuel that keeps us going! If you’re walking around drab, tired, and completely uninspired, it’s your job to figure out why. No one does this to you, your spouse is not responsible. You have to figure out why and what will ignite your light. Clearly share that information with your spouse so that they can keep you on track. This applies both ways my friends.
Marriage takes work but it is well worth it!
When I first became a mother, I was incredibly frustrated by all my friends that made motherhood sound way too easy. They all lied and I know that now. With that said, I don’t want to lie to you. I just want to give you a few tips to make your marriage and your world a better place on a day to day basis.
It’s exhausting, yes it is. However, it sure is less exhausting when you’re doing something that truly ignites your light and you feel supported the entire time. As you’ve heard me say before, I love having tea with my friends. I make it a point to include this in my day. I recognize when I’m fried, and I have my personal game plan to pull me out of it. If you’re a mom, you are a woman with SuperPowers so don’t let anyone tell you differently. Share how you feel with you partner so that they kick in when needed.
I truly believe most marriages can have an amazing outcome, but it does take two to tango.
I see so many of my girls, and honestly I was one of them, who don’t speak out and express the details of how they feel. At the end of the day, this is a partnership. Just like any business partnership, you can’t have one doer and one slacker. It’s about working together to create an amazing family. And remember, the life you show your kids is the life they will try to re-create when they’re older. Teach them how to respond as opposed to react, how to communicate clearly, and how to help out when no one else is looking.