Keeping the spark alive in marriage after having children is very different from pre-kids married life. I personally didn’t realize how big of a change it would be until I was knee-deep in the trenches of diaper changes and feeding schedules. For one, there is zero privacy once you have children. They don’t understand the concept of closed doors. Even while you’re in bed, you get a random guest joining you in the middle of the night. Sometimes even two guests. So for those who like a morning romp, that is not possible because you will usually have someone physically keeping your spouse and you apart.
Over time, all these little issues can put a wedge between the two of you and can turn your once loving relationship into a business relationship. What is important is actually working on the marriage.
Book an Adults-Only Getaway to Keep The Spark Alive
One of the best ways to be able to keep that spark alive in your romantic relationship is to go on a trip together without the kids. I know this isn’t possible for everyone because of babysitting or financial reasons, but if you do have someone that can stay with the kids, do it! You don’t have to go far either if you don’t want to, especially here in Miami. Book a hotel on the beach for the weekend and make it just the two of you.
Take Part in Activities You Both Enjoy
Find that one thing you both enjoy doing together that has been a challenge to do after the kids were born and share it with each other.
For example, my husband and I enjoy cycling together. When my son was 2, we decided to go to the Mount Dora Bicycle Festival where we booked a room in a super cute guest house that was within walking distance of Downtown Mount Dora. We were able to reconnect and relax that weekend. We did all the things we love to do; things that we couldn’t do after my son was born. We reconnected so well that 9 months later my daughter was born. Turn a family trip into a way to connect.
Find Ways to Reconnect on a Family Trip
If you can’t find someone that will watch the kids, consider a vacation that has a kids club. Something like a cruise would be perfect for this because the kids can stay at the kids club for a few hours while you have a romantic dinner, watch a show, or just take a nap. If your child is not old enough for the kids club, there is usually babysitting for an extra fee. Just make sure to take time with one another and be intimate in ways you can’t be on a daily basis because of the kids in order to keep that spark alive.
Practice Daily Intimacy to Keep that Spark Alive
Even though we all need to get away, taking little moments throughout the day to reconnect with your spouse is important. Touch each other in loving ways while you’re at home together. Rub his/her back while your spouse is washing dishes. Make sure to always kiss each other hello or good-bye. Hold hands out in public. These little things may not seem like much, but they’re enough to remind your spouse that you do love them.
These all seem pretty basic, but I’ve noticed in my relationship with my husband, that we can get so busy between work and taking care of the house and kids that taking little moments to remind each other that we love each other seem sparse, whereas before we had kids, we were always finding ways to snuggle and caress each other.
I have implemented a “no leaving the house without a hug/kiss” rule and I think that is very important. My husband will see me washing dishes or at the computer working and he will come up to me and kiss my neck. These kinds of little things are enough to remind us of the love we share.
The one thing that I remind myself of in order to keep our spark alive is that this struggle I’m going through with the kids right now is only temporary. I just have to make sure to keep putting the necessary work into the marriage to be sure that once we do come out the other side, there is still a marriage there.