Pregnancy and Infant Loss: A Personal Story

Trigger warning: This post will speak about miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. 

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15th is known as an annual day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death. This day encompasses losses including miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, ectopic pregnancy, termination due to medical reasons, and the death of a newborn. There are many ways to observe and honor the babies that have passed. One of the most popular ways that has spread over social media is the International Wave of Light. Whether you are remembering your baby or someone else’s, you are asked to light a candle. Light your candles at 7 pm local time and leave them on for 1 hour. The goal is to make a continuous wave of light across the whole globe in honor of the babies we will never forget. 

My Story 

Miscarriage was not something that we spoke about in my family because it never really crossed our minds. I had a very healthy first pregnancy and delivered a chunky 8lb 11 ounce boy. About a year and a half later I decided to try for baby #2! I got pregnant on my 1st month of trying and everything seemed great.

At almost 9 weeks, I went to the restroom and saw blood. I went into a complete panic. It was a Sunday. I called my doctor and left a message. I knew exactly what was happening. My doctor called back and I will never forget her words, “It is what it is. If it is a miscarriage there is nothing you can do about it. I will see you on Monday.” How can she just brush it off? I was just talking about baby names 30 minutes ago and now my baby is gone. 

4 months later, I was pregnant again. I remember being scared the whole time. Every time I would go to the bathroom, every time I would feel a little cramp, every time. Thankfully I was blessed with a healthy, tiny, 6lb 14 ounce baby girl. 

In 2020, I was surprised by a very bright positive test. My 2 kids were ecstatic! They wanted a baby so badly. I was nervous but excited. Sadly, at 8 weeks, I started to bleed. This time was harder. This time I had a 6 and 3-year-old to explain it to. My heart broke for me and it broke for them. 

How You Can Help

1 in 4 women will suffer a pregnancy or infant loss. 1 in 160 pregnancies will end in stillbirth. You or someone you know has probably experienced this heartbreak so why is it such a taboo subject? After my losses, I was very open. I shared my story and I was shocked at how many people reached out saying, “I’ve been there.” So how can you help?

• Talk about the baby. If your friend has suffered a miscarriage, a stillbirth, or newborn death, talk about their baby. Talk about how they are feeling. Let them know they are not alone and all their feelings are valid. 
• Perform an act of kindness in the name of a baby gone too soon. Include the parents and show them that their baby’s life had an impact.

Mamas, we have to stick together. If you are 1 in 4, I am so sorry you are part of this club but remember you have a community of women that is here to hold you up. 

Miami Mom Collective’s Forever Loved Wall was created to honor the little lives that will be in a mother’s heart forever. It is our hope moms will find comfort in knowing that the lives of these precious ones, though brief, have made a lasting impact.